Urban Faerie session one

Urban Faerie, Session One

Players:

• Jef Lay -- Scribbling (Blagger)
• James Mullen -- Apnoeza Ribonucleic (Midnight Monkey)
• Ashley Munday -- Luvvy/Spanky (Big Poncy Faerie)
• Kevin White -- Ow Bollocks (Redcap)
• Steve -- Thrug (Ogre)

GM: Scott Dorward

The game was set in Soho (London), using, in theory, one of the adventure seeds from the game itself (that a stray pixie fallen into a vat in a local drug factory, leading to users of the drug -- speed in this case -- being able to see faeries).

Play started with the PCs hanging around Wardour Street, noticing some drunken new media types leaving a trendy club (called Brand X). Ow Bollocks decided to start a fight with some filthy humans queuing outside the club by riding his skateboard into the person at the back. The other PCs quickly joined in, leading to two clubbers being severly beaten (one having paint sprayed into his eyes by Scribbling and his tongue bitten out during a passionate kiss from Spanky), some car keys being stolen and the bouncer being framed for indecent assault.

The PCs got bored once no one was willing or able to fight back, and so wandered down the street (with Scribbling heading off in the lead to see what car the keys would open). The party heard some fae-type screams coming from a side street and found the two men they had seen leaving the club standing outside a Morrocan restaurant, pulling the wings off a sprite. In a scene of sickening violence, involving the use of a skateboard as a melee weapon, much stomping of limbs and the forced ingestion of a stream of monkey urine, the sprite was saved. The sprite, who the PCs discovered was called Chlamydia, was alarmed not only about the violence inflicted upon her person but also by the fact that these filthy humans had managed to see her.

Scribbling, in the mean time, had managed to find the car (a black BMW convertible) and drove it round to where the others were, with the top down and the CD player blasting out Vanilla Ice at full volume. This, inevitably, led to the police turning up, but not before Scribbling had searched the two unconscious filthy humans and found a bag of pills on one of them. The police, when they arrived, were treated to a clumsy seduction attempt, some evil monkey sleep magick and the theft of a pair of socks before the PCs decided to see what the pills did by forcing them down the throat of one of the constables. The drugged police officer, once he had recovered from the terror of being surrounded by suddenly visible and obviously malevolent faeries, started feeling pretty damned chipper and was coerced into going clubbing with the party.

Upon arrival at Brand X the party witnessed the arrest of the bouncer on suspicion of sexual assault and the carting off of their two victims in an ambulance. The PCs suddenly decided to see what the effect of the pills would be on faeries, and so spent a merry few minutes trying to force them down each others' throats, eventually succeeding in drugging Thrug with the help of a jolt from a defibrillator, stolen from the ambulance. He deduced that the pills were probably a combination of speed and pixie dust, and so the party decided to go into the club and investigate the origin of the pills.

There was a slow build-up of mayhem, starting with the spilling of a few drinks, some tampering with optics and pumps and a clumsy seduction attempt or two, escalating through combat dancing and experimenting how many BPM the DJ's kit could put out and ended up with a wrecked police car jammed in the doorway, the fire exit sealed, the sprinklers switched on, the lights off, everyone in the bar drugged and heroic midnight monkey bukkake making everyone's drinks that bit more exotic. In the midst of the chaos, Scribbling managed to locate the dealer who was selling the pixie-enhanced speed and Thrug convinced him to share the details of its origin (once he remembered to let go of the dealer's windpipe enough to allow him to speak).

The party headed straight off to the abandoned sex shop on Greek Street that was acting as the speed factory, still dragging their pet policeman behind them. The aluminium shutter and security door offered little resistance to a determined ogre and the PCs quickly worked out that the store rooms below the shop were being used as a lab. The chemists working in the lab were quickly convinced to talk, using a threats of violence, actual violence and Spanky's creative use of a retort stand, a Bunsen burner, some handcuffs and a chemist's testicles. They quickly ascertained that the chemists knew nothing of the pixie dust, but Scribbling's investigations eventually turned up the skeleton of the pixie in the bottom of a vat. The PCs used the constable's radio to call for backup and left him to make a high-profile arrest, pausing only to pick up several kilos of powdered speed, a few bags of pills and a couple of boxes of pornographic DVDs. Thrug decided to play Santa at the local orphanage, leaving each child a present of hard drugs and porn. One of the remaining DVDs, it transpired, was titled “Naughty Nymphs Nine” and showed a couple of Dryads getting friendly on the cover.

After some ill-fated attempts to give Ow Bollocks a new earring using the pixie skull and a stapler, the PCs realised that the pixie-enhanced speed and faerie porn gave them all the ingredients they needed to mount a coup. The following morning they worked out how to access the water main in Soho, added the speed to the local water supply, stopped off at Tottenham Court Road to steal a portable DVD player and went down to the faerie mound in Soho Square to demand an audience with King Condyloma and Queen Candidiasis. They presented the porno film as evidence that some of the local humans had found a way to see faeries (helped out by the fact that the two dryads in question had their trees in Soho square) and now posed a threat to the local faerie population. The king and queen were goaded into leading their royal guard (three dozen Big Poncy Faeries) into a sortie around Soho, where the hopped-up, paranoid filthy humans made short work of them, leaving the PCs in charge of the realm of faerie throughout London.